I am being very puzzled. A little girl arrived from a swimming contest and she says that when starting they were shouted not something like "start" or "go", but smth like "stell"? and she parted too late because she didn't understand that. I can't find the word, does anybody have ideas (thank you in advance and hope you are being well :-) ).

Attachments and desires

I have an impression I am finally free from this stuff which tortured me for a while. Finally.

H.G. Radha Govinda Devi Dasi

I can't stop thinking of this movie. It is so much about nobelty, self-sacrifice and right choices. I took Elia there, she loved it, too. They say. no one stays indifferent, they either say it is a boring three-hour thing, either they love it, like I do.
It gives you forece. It gives you inspiration to do right even when it takes sacfirices.

It reminds you... there are always more wonderful people that you can imagine, as Andre Maurois said. There will be always people far better than one may imagine. And one is never alone in their journey.

Of course, any journey is difficult when it is a right one. It often feels lonely, as people aren't perfect, and events... well, they are meant to teach, are't they, though they are a loving hand of God.

But there are things, there are people, events, oeuvres, that make you know that we're never alone in such a pursuit. There are crowds of sincere, burning hearts walking towards Light, however they call it, whatever they do it.

Actions and intentions
Lately, I learned a very good thing. That it is even more important, when analyzing your actions and watching youself, to see whether your INTENTION was decent or selfish, not the act itself.

This is not meant, of course, to defend youself in bad actions. This is meant to see through what you conside to be good deeds and understand whether you were being honest, open and selfless or were trying to feel vain, good about yourself or hiddenly followed your own interest while looking good in your own eyes.

I think this practice is amazing. When you doubt, not only to ask yourself "what is RIGHT to do" and DO it, but also ask yourself WHY are you going to do what you are going to do. What motivates your so called or practically good deeds.

(no subject)
I am so lost. At times, I am lost emotionally. And tired,.

But I know the direction. And if you keep on when the God, it seems, forgot about you, it is a sign of prooving your Love for him. YOu just have to believe and to go on, and everything will be in its pace.

Humility. Humility. Humilty.

Humility. I need humility. I only thought I should learn how to love people, and so - by that - to learn how to love everything... But I also need humility.

How would we live if life didn't talk to us.

Meanwhile, I started to appreciate courage in people.

And "Cloud atlas" is a song of courage.

Nicholas Roerich

Jesus Christ by Svetoslav Roerich. And more of his paintings in the video
Jesus Christ

Jesus Christ by Svetoslav Roerich.

I have this painting on my desktop.

Dominika i ya
Elia  i Dominica


Numbers Song in French. Une Chanson des Chiffres.

Ha, ha, ha. One of my pupils said this song had been a relief comparing to worms counting in French song (I am very puzzled why worms are so popular in language studies... It's not the first time I encounter them...)


Here they are... Looks like they were fans of Futurama and it's anti Coca-Cola series...

Not too boring grammar

Dear friends, please help with advice, if you can, my friends are in danger
I know there are events happening, so I am not sure as to who of you will see this post, but if you do, I would be very happy if you have any advice or opinion or contact data (an organization to adress to) as to what I will speak about.

My friend, who is a lawyer, a very good woman and a mother of 4 children is in trouble and, more than that, is being falsely accused based on her religious beliefs - and I will tell more below.

To be more detailed: this woman has 3 common kids with her ex-husband. I know them for over 6 years now, and I teach their kids, who are very dear to me. During last years of their common life my friend's husband beated her, stiffled/suffocated her, didn't pay attention to kids and was constantly breaking her mailboxes and spying on her.

She has been very kind, meanwhile, believed in him as an artist for many years and sipported his good reputation everywhere and tried not to speak badly of him with their children, also tried to hide the fact she was being beaten, only her eldest son knew the whole situation, but the court is not interested in listening to him.

The artist, meanwhile, was giving interviews of his being a good father and husband, whichlately helped him greatly, while, in reality, he paid no attention to children and was being agressive.

WHen they divorced... The court is taking all their three kids common away from her because of the following:
- she has been visiting a Krishna consciece group for a while, which, locally, in the court, they decided to see as a proof of her being an insane member of a sect. I would like to point to the fact that Hinduism is the most ancient world religions and is official., nevertheless, many people in Russia are agressively Russian Orthodox and judge based on this (I do not judge them, I just give facts).
- She has given home to a child who suffers from autism, and the local court sees it as another sign of her being not normal, as she gives home to "dangerous" people. If you, like me., have seen the movie "Mozart and the whale", or met such people in life, you may know that these people actually work and live a normal life, at times, despite their disability. Locally, in Russia, it has been considered strange.

So, based on this, the court has decided to take the children away from her and give them to that person, now it it on a pause, and two of her kids stayed with her, and one with her husband.

Lately, the husband arrived to her place with some police or police-looking people, I don't know, crashed in and took the youngest 6-year old kid away (only one of their kids, as he said "who needs the daughter (9-year old girl), keep her, I don't need her"). He disappeared with him. We still do not know where that kid may be.

When the woman started driving around the city trying to figure out where her taken away child may be (potentially at the home of girlfriend of her ex-husband, as they both started to date other people with time),she drove next to the building where this woman lives so to talk wth her and try to convince her or ask where her kid is, when her ex-husband suddenly drove out (without the kid, who is still hidden and not with him), saw his ex-wife's car car and crashed into her. Then he quickly drove back, having hit three more cars on his way and drove away. Next, he went to police and said that this woman was attempting to kill him, crashing into him - this is a false accusation.But the police took it seriously... As he has many friends and has been spending last years gosspining about his wife being not normal (as she is interested in spirituality).

This man has many friends in our city, including in court, and rthese friends have more friends... And the woman is in a situation where everything is against her. She just always lived a humble life, working much and spending time with kids. NOw she may be put to prison just because she was driving around looking for her kid and because she attended a religious group for a while, and because she has given home to an autist child of her friend.

I will be trying to ask my friends who may give me an advise concerning European organizations, but also maybe you know some in your country, if this may be somehow handled, because the Russian court system is what it is, and she has nowhere to go in the city (and no one knows her, while everybody knows her husband because he's been a painter who spent all his time giving interviews about being a good husband and father)... This is a very very very good woman in a situation where she doesn't know what to do. She is trying to act fair, and the only way to act fair is to adress, fairly, international organizations, who may see above the bribery and "friendship" going on and just listen to her and her kids' opinion (while we still do not know where the junior one is being hidden).

Maybe there are organizations dealing with such situations that you may advise, or maybe you can think of friends who can give an advice to this. She is a mother of four and a very good person. SHe may have taken away her kids and go to prison for doing nothing wrong at all.

Please do not repost this, but just ask people if you can, because in the case of many reposts, this person may additionally accuse her of violating his reputation (we have been prevented of this when we wanted to fairly adress press).

Thank you if you read this and have ideas.

(no subject)
Yes, there is no sense in not trying to worry for people. Standing their pain and being always there to help them is what you can do. Forcing them to act differently then tey act when they do not want it is just the same as running away from the problem. Either way, it is non-acceptance.

But if life is given away to God, if everything is done as a service to God and as willing to accept whatever he does and trusting him... It makes it all different.

Sadhana - as doing everything as a service to God - is such a beautiful word that I learned. I can not stop thinking of it. I can not stop thinking of it.

You have to love Him like you love a person, with all what He gives you... The more happiness you experience, the more pain there is. And it is a blessing.

I gave up my ideas of being happy. I gave up any illusions that there will be a day when me or my beloved people will be at ease forever. It is silly. And I feel easy. Not because I am "fine", but because that is what it should be like. Joys will come and go, pain will come and go. But you can't even learn to love if you don't feel pain, do not feel fear and grayness and dullness... Then what do you ave to give? Then what can you stand if you haven't ever been going through days of grayness and suffering and you can not say "I can stand this for people". What can you stand for them then? Being cheesy... No. I am amazed by ow things are a blessing in life so often. Biggest pains are also biggest gifts. They teach you how to love everything. Otherwise, why would Earth and anyone need you, who would only want to steal joy from them. Everyone and everything wants to be loved.

Oh okay, this makes me think of Beatles and Harrison.

I guess I will go watch it again
I think I should go see this movie again while it is on. I t keeps being on my mind, I feel like "they wanted to say this with that, and that with this"... It is amazing.

"Cloud Atlas"
I was really amazed by this movie. FIrst third or maybe even half of it I was pressed into my chair thinking of how to reply politely to the student who'd advised it to me as, it seemed to me, that a good film-maker filmed a truly ridiculous chaotic, overly cheesy bunch of plotlines just to prove -the obvious (well, at least to me) fact that reincarnations do exist.

But this is the strange phenomenon of the first impression... Which isn't profound. Because, as the movie went on, I was absolutely moved and it seemed one of the best movies I'd ever, ever watched. I couldn't really explain it's magic... But suddenly plotlines started to make sense, and the movie, little by little, turned into one of these masterpieces (like "The scent of a woman" is) where the authors... make you want to be good. And the chaotic plotlines formed a melody that I still hear. It is powerful.

It was exactly like music that, at a certain point, carries you away, and, by the end, you're left all different - and with a new feeling. You see, that it changed something in you.

I wondered whether it was purely my own impression, but that evening, when I was visiting my students, I discussed the film and I saw that it produced the same impression. By ideas and by astonishment that it leaves in the end, by the desire to change.

Somehow, it is about wanting to turn your face toward Light, as we felt with my students. To pursue this direction.

I find it one of "educating" movies, which you have to watch while becoming a decent human being, I will certainly recommend it to my other pupils.

"To know God, we have to learn, how to feel both love and pain.
1) you should learn to accept pain from people you love.
2) you should learn how to stand cauring pain to p[eople you love if it is for the need of education. If you love a person, you may be tough, and the person will understand and forgive this pain"

S. N. Lazarev.


There is no way and no path for escaping pain. In one or another respect. I have tried for years, in different areas, in different respects.

There is no way to escape "selfish" pain - and no need to... there is no need to escape "noble" pain when you worry for somebody else, as it is also a selfish pain. No one around needs toy to worry for them, just being there and standing your pain for their pain is what people need, I understood it for many times. Not trying to bring it to the end in your way, in your time, in your pace. It is selfish.

Nevertheless, today I feel especially sad. I feel confused with my figurings out about how I should hm... grow, change?  Though, unlike previously, I do not LOOk sad. Hah.

I try to develop this way and knock my knees, I try to develop that way and knock my knees. Nevertheless I believe in going and growing and I will keep on.

I really do need to try and understand less and trust God more, I think. My figuring out is a fear of some pain or discomfort, I guess. I do not know. I do not know.

But I trust God passionately. Life does show me his wisdom, with time. It does.

He IS wise.

He knows. He does know. Time shows it.

Thesse strings leading us do exist. I trust in them. I trust them. I will do everything to trust them more, to keep on trusting, to keep on my way and trust.

upd Posting these smiley pictures doesn't make sense. I have some crisis of direction today. But it is temporary.  "Tomorrow is another day".

And, later, there's another life. ANd more of them. And you just keep on and on. No attachment to the result, like with my pupils...


It is a bizarre day...

Meanwhile, people often ask me "why do you look sad".

This is funny, because they often ask me that when I feel quite fine. Though, of course, I am a human being, and I may be sad.

But as I tried to take picture of myself with no expression, I see why they ask this. But, I guess, these are just features.

What a strange day.

Meanwhile,  I now cnstantly arrange my hair in different ways, because Alevtina asked me to fight my attachment to body and appearance and, especially walking around with my hair let down.

"I know something about love"
Recently, my friend Elia came to the city... Though she is away again, now, and plans to sell her place here and move away.

But, while she is here, I decided to do whatever I can to help her in whatever ways, including work with her and her little daughter on languages (I prefer working with closest people for free, which seems natural for me. There's not so much we can really give, and when we can and it is accepted... It is already a treasure).
Elia has something about her... I am always very happy around her. It is not that she is such a happy person, it's just that we see each other rarely, and, to both of us it is always a gift when it happens.

But there was a day when we had to meet - and she didn't arrive for long, and I waited for her under the rain with no umbrella, in the mud (as that place we decided to meet and then go to her place was countryside outside my town).

It was really long. And that gray day was such  a gift to me.

I'd known it for years in theory, but, that day, it was clear to me as never before: love was not treasuring every moment around, but standing there in the mud under the rain and being ready to stand there for whatever time needed.

Later, that day, as I was being on my own in different parts of town, I was again, and again, struck by realization that, in a way, in a true way, my life is just filled with love.

The meeting
Yesterday was great.

First, I had Arseniy and Nika meet, and Arseniy, despite his 6 years of age and a love for overtalking collected himself and was amazingly cool in teaching Nika all words he knew. Nika, meanwhile, was a little shy (well, she was a visitor, we shouldn't forget that), but, I think, it worked brilliantly.

I think that I will arrrange it the following way: one day a week each of them will learn new material (so to teach the other one) and the other day (once a week, too) they will meet and teach each other.

Ta-daa, I put it all together, on Monday my 6-year old student is going to meet and teach my 4-year old student. :-) (Montessory-like :-))

I will see, how it will go :-)

Haaa, haaa, I started to watch about Maria Montessori and see that some of my "new" ideas are what, it seems, millions use as Montessori's methodics, but, on the other hand, it is inspiring as I see that some things do work and I will try to learn more...

Nevertheless, I do not completely agree with treating kids as adults idea, I tried this for years but now I see that in some ways it has its weaknesses...


"White lies"
I can't stop thinking about such a notion as "white lies" as, to me, truth is very important in everything... Yet, the notion of truth has many faces and which are the right ones... There is a quote I often (very often) recall "Truth is passion and not a virtue, and, therefore, it will never be kind". I think this quote is somewhat wrong, same as we, humans, are wrong when we try to figure things oouut by ourselves. Camus was a talented person, though. But being talented never makes a person ideal, though it is often a trap to follow someone's ideas JUST because they are talented in art... I think this is one of the biggest trap at all - in this life.

Lately, I watched a very interesting movie called "Heavenly court" http://https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CKR57j3Iz8, which is a fantastic/fantasy movie based on Christian notions... about what goes on "up there"...  And it felt somehow right when I was seeing lying being "bad" in this movie, it somehow came alltogether.

I think that lies are only "white" when they aren't lies for a selfish reason. When you realize some truth is too early to know for a child and keep silence or something like this. Any lie which is said for your own selfish benefit or comfort is a wrong thing to do, I believe. And since, we all, in different ways, try to act right, realizations like this make you feel easier when you come to them.


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